No Sacred Cows: Incest

Most child rearing activities do not in themselves contain joy, the experience however is fulfilling. Examples of the same are cleaning the toy room or regular doctors visits; mundanities generally regarded as chores, yet when for our children can holistically be meaningful.

They are events that take place in service, and there is limited pay off in the activity itself. By and large we do them for the betterment of the child, and the joy of passing forward our way of life to another generation.

It is what we have evolutionarily been conditioned to do. The safe passage of our genetic code from one age to the next. The teaching and refining of our brand of the modes of survival, to an end, many of us still debate.

When it comes to activities that do carry a sense of joy from the act itself, prudence is best exercised. Often times these can be places where the parent is living through the child than providing for the child.

They are areas which can quickly devolve from service to exploitation. Children are a responsibility adults take on if they so choose; they are in no means responsible to us to fulfill our own unmet desires.

For any tacit contract to the contrary, it is best to remember that there is only one signatory to that accord. The child by any worldly agreement has not assented to the terms and conditions. While certain long term expectations are common, it is ultimately the child’s decision as an adult to then comply.

In youth it is important to educate and expose our children to necessary rites of life. Where that pedagogy involves our own pleasure though, may not best serve. One such activity that is particularly problematic is sexual engagement.

It is the parents duty to ready children for the trials of this world. To survive, to earn a living, to socialize and to know. Children are raised to be aware of themselves and others. To understand relationships, and procedure.

While a father may teach a daughter how to drive, and a mother may teach her son how to cook; where does one draw the line as to sufficient knowledge? Are there things a child is to learn of their own accord, and of those things who is then the authority?

Positing that child rearing is done for the sole purpose of genetic survival and the passing on of culture, the ruler that must be applied is one of responsibility and service. It is one that best readies new life versus caters to the old.

Unlike football practice or doing homework together, sensual touch carries an immediate payoff for the adult. While it can adorn the garb of illuminating another facet of existence; it is wise to question, who is this truly serving?

Sex by design is pleasurable in order to promote procreation. The knowledge of the activity can be effectively passed forward, as can information about interpersonal relationships through dialogue.

A practice of the activity is not necessary for the functioning of the child in society. While the art of sexual pleasure does add to one’s quality of life, discovering it in this forum carries high risks.

Some physical consequences can include unsafe pregnancies and genetic degeneration. Another can also include physical damage to the child’s body that may not be ready to handle that kind of attention.

The psychological impact of such a relationship can also be deeply scarring. The child is bonded to the parent in a manner that carries large repercussions. If they are repulsed by the activity, it would damage the trust in the learning space and may affect future engagement with a more appropriate partner.

If they are drawn to the activity, it might result in the child taking on unnecessary responsibilities that belong to the spouse. They may also then due to their stronger than usual bonding with the parent, struggle to form as intimate a connection with others.

Maintaining the boundaries of relationships keeps each one sacred in its own right. Bending and blurring lines can dilute and dissuade engagement in healthy encounters moving forward. It may make the child less socially viable, damaging the supposed intent of the activity altogether.

The parent’s role towards the child is to best prepare them for the world; to help them experience it to the fullest and to have the tools necessary for survival. Sexual intimacy within the parent-child relationship does not serve this purpose optimally, and carries too many pitfalls for it to be admissible.

At the time children are biologically inclined to be drawn towards such activity, guide them to the best of your knowledge without partaking in or directing the action. It is an act best saved for safer grounds, chosen of their adult volition.

It keeps that practice special for a different type of bond, promoting its uniqueness. It also cements the nurturing nature of the parent-child relationship by defining it with clarity. It is best to remember that while child rearing may start as a self-serving choice; from the time they enter the world, it becomes duty.

~Frumi