I can see it in people's eyes now; scars of childhood abuse. It shows up in the way they dress, in their behavior and even in their preferences. Most are left to struggle in silence, but given a safe space; their heart blurts out truth.
I recognize it in them, because I see what toll it took within me. Not until my late twenties did I realize that there was so much emotion left to process. Before that, I felt I was over it; a forgotten nightmare better shelved.
I would say to myself; I am safe now, no one can harm me anymore. That’s what matters, and what is there to think about anyways? Years removed, it, along with a plethora of other traumas exploded and confronted me when I least expected.
The specifics of my story I’ll save for another day, but as I ventured to heal myself I learned just how prevalent abuse is in our society. When I said nothing, I was very alone in my pain; but as I opened up, I was surprised at how many others did too.
One of the leading NGO’s raising awareness on the subject, @sahilngo, puts out a yearly report looking at the facts and figures surrounding child abuse in Pakistan. In 2018, 3832 cases of child abuse were reported in the newspaper of which 55% were girls. Girls were more vulnerable than boys in the 0-5 age group and the 16-18 age group, but boys were more vulnerable to abuse in the 6-15 age group.
The “Cruel Numbers” report by Sahil found that most (85%) of the perpetrators knew the family or the children. They were acquaintances/family members who could be identified by name or designation. The report went on to show that children were three times more vulnerable to abuse at the premises of the perpetrator than in their own home (2018).
These are figures about the cases that were reported or could be reported; far more have likely never seen the light of day. Some cases are suppressed by families and others by the survivors themselves; shame is a heavy burden they choose to carry in the face of what feels like an acerbic society.
The laws of the country certainly need to reflect appropriate punishment and ease of prosecution, but for me the first step in protecting a child starts with good parenting. Aside from vigilance in the security of the child; four concrete steps can be taken to reduce the occurrence of child sexual abuse:
1. Educate your children on what is safe touch, and what is not. They need to know when something is wrong, and that they are not the ones at fault.
2. Empower your children to say no. Their body is theirs and who touches them is their own choice; be it the closest of relatives.
3. Create open channels of communication with your children. They should feel safe sharing information with you, without the fear of punishment. If they are scared of you, they will not confide in you; keeping you on the outside.
4. Speak your story and normalize having to deal with trauma. We are alone in our shame, but united in our truth. You are a survivor, not a victim.
You may not always be able to stop harm from happening to your child, but you can stop it from becoming a prolonged torment. You can also provide a balm and solidarity to those who already struggle with its aftermath.
It is a heartbreaking fact that ten cases of child abuse are reported everyday in this country. It is never the child’s fault and the burden of shame should not be theirs, but that of a society that was unable to protect them.
~Frumi
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