The beginning and ending of each year is an arbitrary choice. It isn’t fixed to any natural phenomenon, but is rather a civil holiday. Over the years many cultures have celebrated it at different times.
The current most often used calendar, known as the Gregorian calendar, didn’t come into effect until 1582. Named after Pope Gregory the 13th, its inception corrected for the leap year and decidedly placed the beginning of our yearly time keeping on January first.
Initially the new calendar had limited popularity, and was not taken up by its current vanguards until 1752. Prior to that date, the English speaking world celebrated the New Year on March 25; a forgotten homage to Mars, the Roman God of war.
January in a similar divine vein pays respect to Janus, pictured above, the God of new beginnings. Perhaps the architects of the calendar chose this month for that very reason. Others argue that the choice has more to do with the ending of winter and the starting of summer in the northern hemisphere.
There are several stances on why January first should be the beginning of the New Year, and as many that posit otherwise. The only scientific reality is that each day the Earth moves around the Sun just a little bit more.
Not only is that backed up by by the best of modern technology, but it viscerally feels true as well. Everyday is a chance at a new beginning; for us to envision the life we have always wanted and to choose it. A date is just a marker, but the moment is now.
We can reflect when we would like, and today is as good a day for my New Year goals as any other someone else might have picked. Last year on this forum, I decided that I would do what I could to not self sabotage. I would find a publisher, and would publish my first book.
Over the course of the year, I struggled with that task, but refused to give up. For certain I contacted over 1500 people, though that is a safe estimate. In reality the number is closer to 1800. If we posit that as the case, that means 1796 people either ignored me or said no.
It took me three months of working near eighteen hours a day before I signed a contract with a publisher whom I believed would take care of my work. What was a thought and desire then, will likely be a reality on a book shelf near you sometime in March or April.
This year, I would like to build on what I started. I would like to write something that adds further value to your life. Publishing that is one aspect of 2021, but I imagine it will not be as arduous an endeavor as publishing the first book was.
The somewhat scarier task I would like to take on this year is something I’ve worked on very hard, and talked about very much. It is something that matters, is meaningful; yet I still haven’t done it.
What I speak about is my desire to start doing trainings and workshops. The first of which is titled, “Meaningful Relationships and How to Find Them”. My personal opinion, completely biased; the workshop is brilliant.
I don’t know how people aren’t taught this everywhere in the world. We aren’t taught to build a relationship with ourselves and with others. We kind of just wing it; each one of us doing what we can.
Very often we end up with beautiful relationships. Equally often though, we end up in relationships that break in a painful manner. Sometimes we are stuck in situations we don’t know we should get out of, and suffer.
Most of the times neither person intends to be bad, but is simply misaligned. This course shows us how to find our own alignment and then a partner who matches what we need. Someone who is ideal for us.
Even if in a relationship currently, and not looking for someone new; the workshop sheds light on potential differences a couple has. Frustration can rise because no matter the effort being put in, they can’t seem to get to the same page.
The pain is clear, but the likely solutions don’t seem to be working. Knowing if you are on different pages, or just on different pages right now; very much colors the most suitable remedy.
It’s easy to let animosity spiral, and have a few issues ruin an otherwise happy bond. The workshop helps you put your concerns in perspective. Knowing when to stay the course and when to change direction can very well be what saves your relationship. Knowing when to leave the relationship consequently, could very well be what saves you.
I often ask myself what is holding me back and why I haven’t done the workshop already? There is always a practical reason. Something or other that is important that I have to do, and the course ends up not becoming a reality.
For a while the excuses made sense, but there came a time when they seemed hollow. I pondered at what the real problem was, and I discovered that I was scared.
I wasn’t scared to be real with you, or to publicly speak, but I was fearful of the specter of past judgment. I was scared to be called a hypocrite. That what did I know of love? Of all people to talk about healthy relationships, who was I to be the one talking about it?
I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve had some spectacularly bad relationships. In many ways, I’ve had a spectacularly “bad” life. Most of it was spent hiding the trauma and shame I carried. The balance of it was hiding my true self, someone I didn’t feel was worthy of knowing.
I chose toxic relationships, and created the toxicity myself when it wasn’t offered. At the time, I used to think life was about survival. I got past the trauma, so now I was okay. Feeling old emotions, and even healing that space seemed like things that were inbuilt into having stayed alive.
I existed as a two dimensional person and was surrounded by people who liked me like that. I didn’t know how to see myself, see them for them, or even how to exit situations respectfully when I had to. Part of me felt I deserved the treatment they gave me.
The worst relationship I was in; the decision on my plate was to commit suicide or leave the relationship. That’s certainly not a healthy place to be. Looking back, I can now see how I got there. Looking forward, I have learnt the path to never be that way again.
So while I have been in many unhealthy spaces, the reality is that, it allows me to better understand you as you may exist in one now. I know how that feels, and how difficult it is to get out of that. I know the reasons that keep one prisoner there, and I know the loneliness and failure of being alone again.
I’m not someone who did it right from day one, but rather someone who always wanted to do it right from day one. Despite that intention, for a long time I lived my life very alien from who I was, and for lack of better words; lived wrong.
People who are afraid to change or think that people can’t; might term my shift hypocrisy. The only way they are right, is that I also believe people don’t change. They simply shed the parts that were never them, and learn better tools with which to navigate the present.
Then and now; I love love. That hasn’t changed one bit, and is core to my being. From the outside though, I can understand why they might not have seen it in me earlier. I am glad I now know how to choose people who do see me.
Reflecting on these thoughts, I realize that while some may judge my love; that isn’t a lot of humans. My outsize fear is not from them specifically, but from years of being judged and even self judgment; simply triggered by a new dynamic.
It’s a hangover from an old feeling that is indelibly branded into my experience. I remind myself that it isn’t a current reality, but a past one whose echo I still hear sometime.
This emotion can be known and accounted for. The more I acknowledge that it is there, and that it is irrelevant to my decision making, the smaller it shrinks. An emotional fat cell, that over time will become as if it was never present at all.
I learnt about love and my own self the hard way. Many of you have experienced a similar life, and some of you may not have felt the pain of its blade as closely. In offering the workshop I can aid you in seeing what took me many years to learn.
Putting things into context, doing workshops is my key goal for 2021. I’d like to not only guide you to think about your journey and gain awareness on possibility. I’d also like to share best practices from experience, from research and from study, on how you can turn thought into reality.
Love is something we all want so much; how to best get and keep it is something I would like to share with you. They say that from great pain comes great purpose. If my heart had to bleed, this is a worthy reason for why that was the case.
This year I will continue to show you that there is hope; that there is a better life available for you and me. Part of that journey will be shared in ideas and story. Part of it will decidedly be one of many possible maps to living your best self.
The effort is always one’s own, but shedding light for each other along the way is something we can do. Take this day to recommit to the things that matter to you, or to clarify them. You deserve the life you have always dreamed of. Happy New Year.
~Frumi
Your humility is gorgeous!