About Me
I started Frumi13 at a time that I was very broken. I had long hidden from the traumas of my past, relegating them to history. I believed they were over, so now I was immune. I had survived, and now I wanted to live.
I didn’t know it at the time, and when things were happy, indeed I was happy too. When the specter of sadness showed itself, its shadow was longer than I could contend with.
Subconsciously my trauma affected my choices and reactions; without awareness, I was living life as a puppet. I didn’t understand why I did some of the things I did; and it hurt me knowing I could be better, but I wasn’t.
It wasn’t when life was at its worst that the trauma came back to me, but surprisingly when I had so many of the things I thought I needed.
I was sitting on a beach with more money than I ever had, surrounded by beautiful people, in a land far removed from any of my pain. I was happy, I looked happy; my world fell apart.
I let my guard down and for the first time in my life, truly relaxed. It was then that it hit me like a brick and I became immobilized. Paralyzed as I became captive to the horror movie that had been my life.
From this oasis of supposed calm, I fell into deep deep hell. I didn’t realize just what an unacknowledged burden I still held onto. How I was aware of the incidents, but how I had just shut off their emotion.
I had gotten through what I needed to get through, but it wasn’t nearly unscathed or even over. I found the answers to many questions I had looked for all my life. It was beautiful, but incredibly heavy.
I couldn’t take it and wanted to kill myself; returning to a place of stillness, if not grace. I decided to pen down the lessons I had learned in the flames; maybe it would help someone who had lived as confused as me? Maybe I could save them even if I couldn’t save myself?
As I wrote down my thoughts, I began to see who I was more clearly. I was alone, hurt, shunned, and adrift. I looked at myself in the mirror as my gun lay on my desk. The easy thing was to put it to my head and pull the trigger, but I knew I had more yet to do.
I thought of all the people like me who felt this alone. Who felt worthless, uncared for, and empty. I wish someone had been there for me. Someone who told me that I wasn’t abandoned in my supposed shame; that we all have a gift to give.
I decided to become this person, and chose the medium of poetry to share my thoughts, views and insights. I started with Instagram and then progressed to writing "A Purple Romance". The original book that saved my life, I shelved for another day.
I received many distress messages in my inbox, and in order to best support #Frumifam, felt I should be able to say I had done all I could to serve. This led to my pursuit of therapeutic studies and transpired into the Relationship and Purpose Coaching services and workshops I provide.
Bad things can happen, and we can even participate in them, but that doesn’t make us bad. It gives us the choice today and everyday, to create better.
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The world you’ve always wanted, is waiting for you to come home.
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~Frumi